Ask Shelby: Really Simple Resolution

Here is January’s installment of “Ask Shelby” from Chester County’s own Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Shelby Riley.

Dear Shelby,

If there is one thing I can do this year to improve my family relationships, what would you suggest?

Signed, Really Simple Resolutions

Dear Really Simple Resolutions,

One thing?  That’s an easy one: exercise.  I know, most people might think about communicating differently, or going on weekly dates, but hear me out.  Exercise not only helps to prevent a slew of illnesses (diabetes, heart disease, cancers, dementia, etc.), it helps to improve your relationships in so many ways.

• It is one of the best forms of self-care you can engage in.  It is a wonderful way to honor your body, decrease stress, improve your mood, and get some much needed alone time.
• It is a great way to spend time with others.  Walk with your mom, ride bikes with your kids, lift weights with your spouse, meet your friends for Zumba and yoga.  It is a great way to connect with others and build memories.
• It will increase your patience.  You will be a much kinder version of yourself if you are engaging in regular exercise.  Your spouse and kids will thank you.  Just make sure you eat enough and don’t over-exercise, or this will no longer be true—it will be the exact opposite—your kids and spouse will hide from your cranky self.
• You will improve your “bedroom” life.  Exercising because you love your body will help you actually love your body.  You will feel sexier, have more energy, and have more stamina for the bedroom. 
• You will improve your sense of self, which also allows other people to see you in a better light. When you exercise, your mood improves, and you get the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal.  Yes, I ran 2 miles today.  Yes, I pushed hard during cycling class.  Your posture will improve, both from the physical changes and from the pride you will feel.  Your spouse and kids will notice this, and their sense of you will improve, too.
• You will increase your energy.  Because you had the energy to get through your to-do list in a productive way, you will have time to play cards with your daughter, help your son with his homework, and still go for a walk with your spouse.  You will not only have the time to do these things, but you will have the energy and motivation to do them.  Laying like a lump on the couch will be a thing of the past, or at least reserved for rainy Saturdays when a Project Runway marathon is on.
• You will model great habits for your children.  They are watching you.  Make sure they learn what a great relationship with yourself and your body looks like.
• You will connect with parts of yourself you didn’t know were there.  Salsa dancer?  Who knew!  Meditative yogi, yeah, you’re that calm.  Rock climber…yes, you are braver than you thought.  There are so many different forms of exercise, and so many different parts of yourself to explore.  Competitive racer, graceful ballerina, powerful lifter…the options are endless.

I know finding the time to exercise can seem hard.  I have resolved to exercise every single day this year, to prove to myself all of my excuses are just that: excuses.  I invite you, all of you, to join me.  It could be a spectacular year!

Shelby

Shelby Riley, LMFT is the owner of Shelby Riley, LMFT and Associates, LLC.  She is currently the President of the Pennsylvania Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (PAMFT).  Remember to check out Shelby’s website www.shelbyrileymft.comfor useful information about therapy for individuals, couples, and families.

2013 Family Goals

It’s that time of year, everybody is making New Year’s Resolutions and in about a month all of the gyms will be empty again!  My husband and I do things a little differently and I thought I’d share.  We sit down on New Year’s Eve each year (though you could really do it any day!) and we set some family goals for the year.  We also look back at our old goals (we have them in a file for every year that we’ve been  married) and see which ones we still need to work on.

So you might be thinking, hey this sounds just like making resolutions!  Here’s what’s different:
1.  We write down our goals (this holds us more accountable)
2.  We make goals for the entire year (we are not making drastic dietary changes on 1/1/13)
3.  When we reflect on our old goals, if we don’t meet them we just add/edit them for the new year
4.  We revisit our goals throughout the year, to see what we need to be working on
5.  Our goals are for our entire family!  They’re things that are important to all of us and we work together to meet them

By now you’re probably curious about what our 2013 Family Goals are, I’m going to share and this might just help to hold us accountable!

1.  Move in the direction of whole, fresh, non-processed foods as much as possible
2.  Organize and create systems for our household to make life simpler (i.e. bill paying, ordering household products, figure out how to organize the pantry and basement!)
3.  Create a household budget that includes savings to finish our basement in 2014
4.  Intentionally plan trips and events to create memories with our twins

I hope this helps to inspire you to sit down with your family and create some family goals for this year! Happy New Year!

This post is written by Elizabeth, a stay-at-home mom to 16 month old boy/girl twins.  We live in Northern Chester County.